Protecting and respecting boundaries
Your boundaries tell you what is acceptable for you in a relationshipRelationshipWhen 2 people are in a relationship, they have a bond with each…Read more or in contact with someone outside of a relationship. Someone who crosses your boundaries is not respectful. Your integrity may be harmed.
The situation can be about many different matters in your relationship. For example:
- you are insulted;
- you do not want to have sexual intercourse (yet);
- you do not like certain kinds of sex;
- you experience violence.
Someone’s boundaries are crossed when they do not agree with what happens and the way in which it happens.
To respectRespectFeeling of appreciation for a person. If you respect another person, you think…Read more boundaries, both partners:
- have to agree with what is happening;
- should not use or feel any pressure;
- should be equal partners (one should not have power over the other).
A man and a woman both agree to have sex
Saying “no” and saying “yes”
If you feel like your boundaries are being crossed, say “no”. Your partnerPartnerPerson you are in a relationship with.Read more has to respect your choiceChoiceDecide which is the best from several options. For example, people have the…Read more. Talk with your partner about what you want and how you feel:
- Be very clear.
- Stand or sit up straight and look into your partner’s eyes.
- Explain why you say “no”.
- If necessary, repeat your message.
- Do not feel guilty.
- Do not make promises you cannot keep.
- Make it clear to your partner that mutual consent is important.
A girl saying “no” to a boy.
Saying “no” is difficult, but it is a way to communicate to your partner what your boundaries are. Your boundaries have to be clear to your partner. If “no” is not accepted by your partner, get professional help or confide in a person who is close to you.
You may be afraid of losing your partner. Decide whether your partner is good for you, if they continue to force you to do things you do not want to do.
Sexually abusive behaviourSexually abusive behaviourSexual behaviour that is not okay. Sex should be pleasurable and feel good.…Read more
When someone does something sexual to you that you do not want, that person crosses your boundaries. This could include kissing, touching, sexual comments, sexual assaultSexual assaultSexual contact against someone’s will without penetration. For example, unwanted touching, caressing or kissing.Read more, rapeRapeHaving sexual contact with penetration against someone's will. The penetration can happen with part…Read more and prostitution. This may be done by force or threats (coercionCoercionForcing someone to do or undergo something, for example by violence or threats…Read more), but it does not have to be. Even if you are sleeping, or have been drinking, or are just walking down the street and someone does something sexual that you do not want, that is sexually transgressive behaviour. Punishable sexually transgressive behaviour, such as sexual assault and rape, is also called sexual violenceSexual violenceCoercing someone with violence, usually physical, into having sex. For example, assaulting or raping…Read more.
Respecting each other’s boundaries is important. Abuse can cause psychological and healthHealthFeeling physically, mentally and socially well in your environment. Health is more than…Read more problems. Moreover, sexually abusive behaviour and other forms of partner violence are forbidden by lawLawRules which decide what you may and may not do. Every country has…Read more.
If you want to have sexSexAll acts that can sexually arouse you. Sex is more than sexual intercourse.…Read more and your partner does not, you can discuss this together. Sex is more than just sexual intercourseSexual intercourseSexual act in which the penis penetrates (enters) the vagina or anus.Read more. Being physically close to each other is equally important for your wellbeing and your relationship.
Sexually abusive behaviour can also occur outside a relationship, for example with relatives, acquaintances and ex-partners, or with strangers.
Seeking help
If you experience sexually abusive behaviour or other partner violencePartner violenceWhen somebody hurts, humiliates or neglects his or her partner or coerces his/her partner…Read more, look for help:
- Talk with a person you trust.
- Talk with a health professional. Do not feel guilty or ashamed. It happens to many people.
Contact the police if you want to report someone for sexually abusive behaviour or another kind of partner violence.